When I saw Namita first, she was clearly nervous. She had a wary, vacant expression in her eyes, but she kept clenching her fists. Many people who come for Readings are naturally a little flustered, so I moved on from her manners to hearing what she wanted to tell me.
But her ordinary story moved me. She was at a crossroads, she said, and slowly tried to tell me everything that was in her mind. It was not easy for her to do that, and the narration I received was broken. Yet, even in the few sentences, I was aware of a powerful mind being clouded over by the doubts and fears life throws in our tough paths.
Once she was put at ease, her story was like a raging river that would not stop. She had been an intelligent, witty girl at eighteen, passionate about legal affairs and confident about striking it big in the legal profession someday. Preferably soon. Her cheerful, enthusiastic nature and her beautiful voice were added attractions. Her future seemed quite bright.
Namita married young at 24, and had both her kids early on in her marriage. Though she had studied hard to finish her law degree, becoming a mother implied that her career would have to wait. Married in a traditional family, her preference for being a working woman was not entirely welcome.
It was not her place to strongly assert herself, and she didn’t. Slight things, like her love for reading and music, began to be frowned upon by elders. After all, it was possible for homemakers to entertain themselves in different ways. Her quiet, sweet voice which so often broke into lilting melodies was heard less often. She lost interest in things that had mattered to her; she ate irregularly, didn’t find it within herself to exercise properly and popped pills ever so often.
Her husband was kindly and supportive, but gradually, every responsibility fell on her platter. She quietly recognized and accepted the death of her personal dreams. Maybe happiness for her was in being a perfect mother, a steady and dependable homemaker and wife. Her life began to resemble an endless routine of catering to her children and her home – caring for her kids’ health and endless driving to tuitions continued driving her own health issues to the background.
When had she last read a book? Seen a film she wanted to watch – and not because her kids or her husband wanted to see it? She could not remember.
She was overweight, with very high blood pressure and her knee joints were unbelievably painful. Low self-esteem, coupled with the health issues she was facing, distanced her further from her husband who was spending more time at work in order to avoid long drawn discussions at home.
Three years later, Namita suddenly found herself facing the “Empty Nest Syndrome” with no one in the house most of the time. She came for a Reading to understand what her choices were and whether her decision to go back to work after so many years would be fruitful. She was also concerned about her health- both physically and mentally.
After a soul-searching conversation, she came back ready to sign the new lease of her Life. She took time to accept that Healing is a journey. No one can have a magical turnaround in one session. That journey was as much hers, as it was ours. On the emotional level, she joined the course where she uncovered her basic beliefs and wounds. She understood how her internal mechanism was shielding all the wounds – anger, perfectionism, alcohol.
As she uncovered the hidden depths, she began to realize how repressed, bottled-up feelings disease the mind and the body.
She started to consciously choose her thoughts and worked on her dreams. She tried to discipline her body with a good diet and a fitness program, and slowly went on to pursue her most cherished hobby- singing. She took the wise decision of joining a course specialized in clearing and healing emotional wounds. Finally, all the senseless, broken threads started coming together. The pieces of Namita’s fractured thoughts slowly ceased hurting her. What she had to resolve and refine, she did. As always, there were bits that weren’t meant to be resolved – Namita had much to let go of. And her underlying strength and courage – unnoticed for so long – came to her help, as she healed herself steadily.
She also went on a one-week program on Forgiveness. She began to appreciate how everything in Life exists because we have attracted it. Be it our family, our jobs, our feelings, thoughts, emotions, regrets, lack of finances….we have attracted them all.
Her journey is far from over.
However, six months from the day she met us, Namita started working with a small law firm and is working on her relationship with her husband. Needless to say, her self esteem has skyrocketed with her healthy habits and her newfound fit body. She also volunteers at a local school, and teaches them life skills.
We know that wrinkles are indicative of how much and how often we have smiled in life. We don’t need to be young to start healing – we only need to be willing. With willpower comes strength and change. Like the very famous GB Shaw put it, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
‘Know that one day your pain will become your cure.’
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